Who started TCS? Some say Rael was instrumental in it conception, here is his reply.
well, i don't know if i wuz instrumental in its foundation or not...wuz a whooole lotta chile prayin' and spittin' going on at the time and it just fit right in, it did...or at least, I fell right in...nothin' like a good cult to get yer blood going, IMO...Brother McNally is to be praised [bless you brother] for his work...
Actually <<your screen is getting wavy, fading out a bit>> best as i can recollect, this is how I think it went <<your screen blips out, blacks out, and then...WHAM, Hendrix fills the room to the tune of "And The Gods Made Love", to be exact...>>
---
"...i wanna show you...the angels will spread their wings, baby...i wanna shoooow you..."
The man was a poet, thought Rael, cold glass of water in his hand, chocolate covered chiles in a bowl in front of him. Poet poet poet. Just goddam amazing, yup. Now where's that remote?
Suddenly, the roof was ripped off Rael's basement domicile.
<Voodoo Chile crank starts in...>
"Well shit!" said Rael, throwing a hand over the chocolate chiles, then drops
his other hand, glass and all, to his crotch, remembering he was nekkid.
Rael screams. Cold glass of water on the Johnson. Not for the squeamish. Not for anyone with a penis, to be honest. "Oh man but is that Cold!" he says, placing the glass on his desk, next to his computer monitor which is now displaying a picture of a group of nekkid women sitting on a Twister board in the middle of what appears to be a bathhouse. Rael notices this and says to no one, "Oh cool, they did give me a group shot. Gonna have to get over to Kyoto and visit my geisha email-pals some day, yes."
Rael then remembered there was no longer a roof over his head.
"So just who the hell is responsible for this, hmmm? Who has the gonads to rip the roof from my dungeon, eh? Show yourself, you sniveling snotty elderberry smellin'...."
A rather large woman in leather appeared; large as in about 15 feet tall, perfectly proportioned, at least from the waist up, rather large breasted, resembling Xena slightly, but this was before the time of Xena, so nevermind. She peered down at Rael and said, simply, "I did, bubba...wanna make something of it??
"Uh, no, not really...just curious...'tis rather nice, big skylight-like, yeah...hey, I can grow chiles in here now! Groovy!"
"Rael, shut the hell up. I have come to give you an important message. It seems that El Grande, the Great Mother/Father of All That Is Chile wants you to participate in a new society, a group of like-minds, so to speak.
You, having much knowledge of the Illustrious Fruit of Painful Bliss, probably an extremely intimate knowledge of which I shudder to think, will be granted the title of Monk. A Monk of the Transcendental Capsaicinophilic Society."
"Oh, is that it? You couldn't have just knocked ont the door? Sent me a flamin' email? No, you rip off my friggin' roof and tell me I'm supposed to join some cult and become a monk."
Big Chick said, "It's an honor."
"An honor? Really? To become a Monk?"
<"Long Hot Summer Night" kicks in about this time...>
"Oh my, I can hardly wait...a Monk of the Transcended Capsaci, uh, Capsized, ummm..."
"Capsaicinophilic Society"
"Yeah, that...a Monk...a Monk who GETS NO MORE NOOKIE! Babycakes, this boy don't think so."
"No, Rael," she said, "you've got it all wrong. Monks of the TCS are Enlightened Ones. They help train others in need of That Which is Chile....which happens to include things like making habanero pineapple salsa, proper placement of a spoonful of such in the navel of a Nubile Chile Maiden [NCM], of which there may be many, Rael, and then, of course, instruction as just how one should suck said salsa from said navel."
Rael leaned back a bit in his chair, reached for his water glass. "Oh, well, that doesn't sound like the typical monk role I know."
"No, Monks of the TCS are special, Rael," she said, "As a monk you are available to train others in the Lore and Methods of All Things Chile. Rituals such as the one mentioned are aplenty."
"Well, I can certainly deal with that," said Rael.
"I though as much," replied the Large Woman who was decided to crawl over the wall of his room at that moment, sitting herself down on his, thankfully, extra-large futon, which happened to allow Rael to see that she was indeed quite proportioned. And what he though was leather revealed itself to be black latex. Quite nice indeed.
"And Rael, there is Twister [TM!] too."
"What?! Twister [TM!] is a part of the TCS?"
"Of course. El Grande recognizes a damn good game when he sees it. He's an avid player, actually. He sees a little bit of you in him, I believe."
"Well, he can't be that bad of a guy then, Twister [TM!] aficionado and all. And I am quite a player, you know, although I prefer to play nekkid. It's a Southern thing." "Rael, that's why El Grande sent me rather than come personally. He trained me himself. I'm to challenge you to a game of Twister [TM!]."
"Do tell," said Rael.
"And it just so happens that I'm a Southern girl at heart, you know," she said, peeling a strap of her one-piece latex jumpsuit down, then the other strap, exposing her extreme healthiness, one breast sporting a tattoo of a habanero, the other breast a tattoo of Popeye. "Don't ask," she said.
<"1983...(A Merman I Should Turn To Be)">
As she continued to disrobe, Rael became quite attentive, quite jovial, actually. Her boots came off, revealing delectible, delightful, just damned yummy looking toesies; and then followed the rest of her latex outerwear.
"Oh my god," said Rael, in part because he was seeing perfection for the first time in his life, but also because this perfection was almost three times his height and while perportionate, well, obviously, she was a whole lotta woman.
"Uh, babydoll, sweetness, um, you know, not that I'm complaining, really, well, maybe sorta, but, oh hell, woman you're just a bit too damn big for me! I mean, I'm of slightly less than average height, only weigh about 125 pounds,....
[editors note: this occured back in 95/96...Rael was just coming off the booze and had that skinny strung-out look...he's doing fine and is up to 155 now, powerlifting, eating like a pig, thankyouverymuch]
...not overly endowed, so to speak, and..."
"You look fine to me," she said, grinning slightly, reaching towards Rael.
"Well, thanks, but...HEY, *cold* hands, baby! jeeezz...but you're like a giant woman, in a nice way, mind you, but you won't even fit on a Twister [TM!] board."
"Rael, you silly boy. El Grande knows this. He made me this size just temporarily so as I could get here quickly without having to take the bus. I hate the bus. Too damn long on the road. And planes just aren't safe anymore. People have no manners."
"Amen, baby. So, like, you're gonna shrink?"
"You got it, my little Rael-o-rama. I should shrink down to my true size any moment now."
"Hey, you aren't some 2-foot tall ragdoll or such, are you, um, you...hell, I don't even know your name."
"Xenette," she said, as she threw her head back, screamed, and began to shrink.
[Go figure, said the editor]
<naturally, "House Burning Down" began at this very moment...>
Within moments, Rael found himself face-to-face with a blue-eyed ex-brunette-now-redhead, which was quite a combination, don'tchya know.
"Holy sheeet, baby, but you are fine. You're still a big woman too, you know. What, six foot?"
"Five-eleven and a third," said Xena. "Want the rest of my measurments?"
"Not necessary, no. Perfect you be, honey, I can tell that."
"Thank you," she said. "But shall we get started? I'm itching to beat your arse."
"Pardon?" said Rael, getting quite excited at that aspect.
"Let's play Twister [TM!] !! Hope you like peach-habanero," she said, pulling out a rather large jar of salsa from her latex jumpsuit.
"How the hell did *that* fit? Salsa? Wait, sweetcheeks, you got me confused here. Are we gonna chow down or play the game?"
"Rael, Rael, Rael...
<...there's too much confusion...i can't get no relief...>
...you are about to become experienced in what will be known forevermore as Nekkid Salsa Twister [TM!]. Think of it as your initiation into the TCS, okay?" said Xenette as she lay down on the Twister [TM!] board that was (always) on the floor.
"Well..."
"Now come here and suck this salsa from my navel before we get started. And then I'll do you."
Rael thought for a second, possibly two, and then stood on his chair and screamed, "Well, I'm standing next to a mountain, gonna chop it down with the edge of my hand!"
"In your dreams, my little Monk Rael," said Xenette as she fingerpainted salsa flowers around her nipples. "And who the hell are you calling a mountain?"
"Mountain of luv, sweet thang, and I'm your Voodoo Chile."
"Come to momma..."
---
And thus began Rael's interaction with the Transcendental Capsaicinophilic Society. He went on to become well-versed in All Things CHile, seeking the stage of Ultimate Chile Enlightenment. He be damn close. He was once quite active with a group known as the Chilesheads, though primarily a lurker at the moment. He is about to begin attending classes full-time at Idaho State University, dietetics being his major, certified dietician the main goal, yet hoping to become a certified personal trainer along the way.
He dreams of becoming a certified massage therapist as well thinking that if he changed his name to Pricilla, he may have a shot with Firegirl's friend. He can usually be found in his cave, listening to Hendrix (the Doors, Joplin, Stones, Guess Who, Cream...oldies he wuz raised on by hippie sisters, hippie wanna-be that he be), practicing his knot-tying, contemplating Buddhism, reading, writing, so-to-be studying, drinking ginseng tea or something decaf (gave up caffeine as well as booze, nicotine, etc), leaving his dungeon only for occassional work, groceries, the possibility of nookie, or to throw around some iron in a sweaty gym in hopes of gaining enough mass and strength to one day challenge El Grande himself to a Twister [TM!] match.
Clothed, that is.
Peace, Hendrix, and Chiles....... Rael
Rael64
Monk of the TCS
Order of Immaculate Twister
In El Grande's Name...Left Foot Blue, Baby
i believe that when playing a game of Strip Twister, when one is Down Under (no pun intended, of course), one strips from the bottom up rather than top down...of course, it's not mandatory that one starts at any certain "point", just as long as clothing begins to fly...that is the rule, yes...
now, guacamole may be introduced into the game, salsa, syrups, whipped/frothy items, or anything of the like, and at any point of the game, yes...Strip Twister, Nekkid Twister [TM] (which, in case anyone hasn't "gotten it" yet, is what a game of Strip Twister typically ends up becoming, assuming those involved do not switch to another game of sorts in which, thankfully, the above mentioned items work quite well, indeed...)
as for regular (already-) Nekkid Twister [TM!], methinks that our friends from the southern hemi do indeed spin the spinner in a counterclockwise direction, but mainly because of the fact that prevailing winds tend to form mini-whirlwinds at ungiven notice which spin in a counterclockwise direction, and consequently, one does, or can, indeed benifit from these wind phenomena... ah, Wind Science...my passion...my gift... Peace, Hendrix, and Chiles.......
Rael64,
PhW Rael64
Mississippi RedneckEx-cook
Monk of the TCS / Order of Immaculate
Twister Keeper of the Faith and a Towel...
Limited research has indicated that all twister spinners are actually quantum
physics devices.
It is the use of a quantum weather twister spinner that causes all of the strange
meteorological pattern shifts around the world.
We here in the antipodes have to be very careful to spin our spinners in the
correct rotation or there could be devastation worldwide.
Who knows what Rael's exuberance in twister participation could wreak if his
twister spinner is not aligned with the correct meteorological paramaters, or
the converse, if he doesn't twist it enough due to lack of chile-maidens to
support him in his application of correct weather principles (and salsa).